This week: Nirvana's Kurt Cobain
By PePe Le Punk.
Pepe: Surely. Vot is your name?
Pepe: Your name. Vot?
Pepe (triumphantly): YOUR NAME IS KURT COBAIN! Quinze-a, Le Punk!
Kurt: Yeah, yeah, right. Sure. Where is this going?
Pepe: Your name is Kurt Cobain. But you have the sad, depression band, yes? I am thinking this is what you Americans are calling the irony, yes?
Kurt: I don't follow you.
Pepe: Irony, yes? Your initials are KC, yet your are not in the sunshiney band!
Kurt (aside): Oh, Jesus, will this bullshit never end?
Pepe: Next question, please. I am thinking about your huge hit single, the "Smells Like Teen Spirit". It is interesting, is it not, that the spirit is not smelling?
Pepe: Interesting, yes! BECAUSE THE SPIRIT CANNOT SMELL! Ha! Trente-a, Le Punk, I think!
Kurt (aside): Who IS this irritating little Euro-fuck?
Pepe: Next question! You are calling yourself the punk rock band, you are making the punk rock music, but the teen spirit is not smelling. This, I am thinking, is the out-shit.
Kurt: I beg your pardon?
Pepe: The out-shit! The out-cop! The out-wimp!
Kurt (confused): Out-shit? SHIT-OUT?
Pepe: Oh yes! Quarante-a, Le Punk!
Kurt: Hey, WAIT!
Pepe: Next question, please. This is good, yes? I am thinking we are getting on like your house is on fire!
Kurt: Well, shit, it couldn't get any worse.
Pepe: Ahahahahahahaha! I think you are telling the joke! Next question. You were calling your new long-playing record "I Hate Myself And I Want To Die". And yet you are still living. Vy?
Kurt: I'm sorry?
Pepe: I know you are living because you are moving when I am poking you (prods Cobain vigorously in the ribs).
Kurt: Stop that, man. Just STOP it!
Pepe: We move on, yes?
Kurt: Please. Now.
Pepe: Vy is your wife so horrible.
Pepe: Your wife, she is horrible, yes?
Kurt (stunned): My family life is fine, thank you.
Pepe: And I think I am following the reason. Your bassist, Chris, is the big two-and-a-half metre guy. But he is unhappy, yes? You are the ass-short.
Pepe: We have a saying in Belgium. Big man, small cock. Small man, big cock. I too am an ass-short. I am thinking this is making your wife very happy.
Kurt: What the fuck are you driving at?
Pepe (enthusiastically): Tonight I am driving at the Antwerp. My grandmother is having the party. Many potatoes and laughing! Maybe you and your horrible wife are wanting to be invited, yes?
Kurt (sliding to the floor): Oh Christ, oh Jesus Christ …
Pepe: One last question. Would you be signing the long-playing album?
Kurt (chewing the carpet): Will you go away if I do?
Pepe: Ahahahahahahahaha! We are sharing the second joke, yes? Here is the album (hands Cobain a copy of Pearl Jam's "Ten". Cobain signs). Au revoir, Kurt. We are meeting again, yes?
Kurt: Anything, anything.
Pepe: This has been interesting, I think. Jeu, Le Punk!